I wrote the below blog months ago and calendared it to be posted today. It’s convenient timing with COVID-19 because social distancing and self quarantine are right up an introverts alley.
Hey neighbor! I know you because I am you. Do social settings and interactions stress me out? Yes. Would I rather stay at home vs. a night out? Yes. Do I overthink and rehearse everything in my head? Also yes.
The classification of introverts (me) and extroverts is not a new concept. I suspect by the nature of our now digital-based lives, more of you also now fall into the introvert bucket. The social landscape exists predominantly on screens now. There’s essentially no reason to ever have to have human interaction again. I’ll be honest, this sometimes sounds great to me! You can order pretty much anything you need from your phone, work from home, stream all the content you want and keep up with your “friends” through social media.
So sit back on your phone, adjust the volume in your airpods just in case it wasn’t already clear that you don’t want anyone to talk to you, and take a stroll with me through an Introvert’s Paradise.
Because most of you are exactly like this too, I’m not about to expose anything you don’t already know. I just happen to be putting it out there for all to see! Here’s how an introvert like me thinks:
Spontaneous is not in my vocabulary
I have to emotionally and mentally prepare myself to be around a lot of people. I have to envision the different scenarios that could play out. I think about who is going to be there. What the conversations are likely to be like. How long we are staying. It takes a lot of time and energy to prepare and often I need at least three days to prepare myself. Spur-of-the-moment social events are almost always a hard NO from me.
A friend texted me at noon last week and asked if I wanted to go to a concert. The concert was that night. In seven hours. Nope. I sure don’t. Like Randy Jackson says, “It’s a no from me, dawg.” My husband calls me a buzzkill when I do stuff like that (read about Buzzkill Bush), but the reality is I didn’t have my mental prep time and I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy it.
Social events suck the life out of me
Depending on the event, it can take hours to days to recover. I need time to process what happened and I replay every interaction in my head over and over. I often think “Oh. I should have said this or that.” I also need time to recharge myself. Social events drain me both mentally and physically. Imagine I start at the event with a full battery, 100%, after leaving the event (depending on what it was and how much interaction I had with people), my battery could be between 0-60%. I have to recharge my battery. Just like your iphone that’s on 2%, when the battery runs out I shut down.
Honestly, work could be considered a social event for me also. I have to recharge when I get home. Adding a child to the mix makes the recharging 100% more difficult. As much as I want to recharge my battery when I step foot into my house, I can’t. I have to be a mom. That’s reality though. Recharging takes alone time and that sometimes gets put on hold.
Small talk is a waste of my time
There, I said it! But I know that you probably feel the same way.
I have often had people tell me that when they first met me, I was super awkward, and I can see why they felt that way. I answer questions that are asked of me and nothing more. I have never been very good at starting a conversation, asking questions in return, or expanding on my answer. I am the question, then NEXT.
I literally dodge people I know in Target so I don’t have to talk to them. Callous? Maybe. Small mental victory? You betcha.
In society there is pressure for people to go talkto “the person in the corner” because they assume that person must be alone or not know anyone which is super frustrating for introverts. Since my thoughts are admittedly so calculated, I find it hard to make small talk. The way I see it, small talk is just wasted words. Everything I say and do is precise and thought through.
So Uber driver, please don’t talk to me. I am ok with it. The best thing Uber did was the “comfort” option where you can choose to not have people talk to you while riding! Amazing idea. Introvert’s Paradise level 100.
Environment matters. Sometimes my extroverted side sneaks out
When in a small group of people that requires the dreaded small talk, introverts are mostly closed off and often come off as “shy”.This would include people you aren’t familiar with in general.
When you find and are around your tribe, you can become the most talkative of the bunch. For me, being around people that I am comfortable with, I begin to open up and I can begin to talk a ton. Motormouth Alisa, that’s me. Sike, let’s not go that far. That’ll never be me 🙂
Cancelled plans are my favorite.
Again, just saying what I know most of you also feel!
I’ve been known to agree to go to an event two weeks prior when I’m in a rare, full extrovert mode. Come day of the event and I’m seriously questioning who the person was that accepted the invitation to this party in the first place. There is nothing more comforting than the organizer of the event cancelling. That is such relief for me.
Introverts THINK 24/7 which can be exhausting as hell
Ok, perhaps also a bit obsessive compulsive, but that’s whole ‘nother therapy session! Oftentimes, I make decisions fiercely, but have thought of the scenario over and over and over. All decisions are calculated. It sometimes feels like too much of a risk to not have a plan. Is this the healthiest? Probably not. But is it 100% me? 100%. I will own up to that.
People say “I didn’t think you liked me at first” on the regular.
Have you been told this too? Welcome to Introvert’s Paradise where we take a while to warm up to people! This has been EVERYONE that has met me. Ever. I’ve never met one person who didn’t say this to me. I get it. It’s because of all the points I have mentioned above. I am quiet and not talkative. I will go out of my way not to talk to people. I can come off as calculated. Hey, if you still think I don’t like you, then it’s probably because we’ve not been around each other long enough. I genuinely don’t dislike people. I can’t name one person right now that I dislike. It just takes me time to warm up 🙂 I’m just a person, just like you.
My “excited” face is the same as my “resting bitch face”
Emotions are hard for me to express. But I promise like most humans, intro- and extroverts, I’m capable of feeling the full spectrum of emotions! You just might not be able to tell that from my face or reaction.
For instance, I appreciate things, but I never vocalize and lord, you will never see it on my face. I keep the excitement all inside. This becomes extremely difficult with opening gifts in front of people. My step dad used to say, “Are you happy? You don’t appreciate what we got you because you didn’t even say thank you.” Welp. I didn’t say “thank you” because my body is having a party on the inside that YOU CAN’T SEE. It’s weird. It’s reality.
Hey neighbor, I know you because I am you. You live in or have at least visited Introvert’s Paradise a time or two. I long to be accepted and invited to social events, then decline them. I dodge people at the store, so I don’t have to engage in small talk. If this is you, I would love to know if you have anything to add because it’s likely I am the same way. There’s no shame in it. We simply are who we are.
Maybe you’re sitting there reading this as you count down the hours to your next social meet up and thinking, “I just don’t get it”. Well, hang tight. In the next few weeks, I am going to do a study with several key people in my life, so my readers can get an idea of people’s different perspectives of not only me, but introverts as a whole, so stay tuned for more.
Gotta go, social distancing…….
