I get it. This concept can be perceived as somewhat harsh. But those who know me know I’ve never pretended to be “soft” or been good at sugarcoating anything. To put it mildly, I’m a self-proclaimed tough critic. You really only get one shot with me to prove that you’re a person of good character and integrity. For me that means someone who does what they say they’re going to do. It’s as simple as that. Now, I DO acknowledge that people make mistakes and obviously I make mistakes too. It’s all about your willingness to own up to, as well as make an effort to correct your mistakes to move forward instead of becoming trapped by them.
This same theory of staying true to your word and your character applies to people I have never met as well as people I encounter daily. I am a super supportive person as long as I can see that you are on the right track, striving to be the best version of yourself, and making good choices in life.
If you ask me who my favorite NFL football team is, I am going to say, “Right now it’s the New England Patriots.” The key phrase is “RIGHT NOW.” Before I lose all my readers :), let me explain. I don’t like the New England Patriots for Tom Brady (although he’s a good looking reason to), Bill Belichick, or the region of New England itself. I like them because of one person, Stephon Gilmore. Stephon Gilmore played football at South Pointe High School (which is a high school near my hometown). He then played for the South Carolina Gamecocks (huge fan). He’s now playing for the New England Patriots. He is someone that I have seen play ball over the years, and has set out to accomplish what he said he would. He is driven to succeed while being true to his word. I feel like we’re kindred spirits in that sense and also because we have other things in common- Both grew up in Rock Hill, both Gamecocks fans. If Stephon gets traded to the Miami Dolphins…well then, just like that my favorite NFL team would change to the Miami Dolphins. We’ll talk about the importance of loyalty in another blog 🙂
There is power in doing what you say you are going to do and being who you say you are. In other words, operate with integrity. I think a lot of people want to be “liked” by everyone and that creates a disingenuous version of themselves. I believe in being a consistent person, true to yourself and others, at all times.
A more simplified example of this concept- I do not go to work and talk about my low carb and low sugar diet and then eat a plate full of spaghetti with garlic bread for dinner on Sunday night. I am consistent seven days a week and I practice what I preach. Growing up, it was not uncommon for me to have a best friend or boyfriend for a one to two-year period only. One to two years is about the length of most of my relationships. I had a really good friend from high school say to me, “You keep boyfriends for about two years, then you just leave them. Why do you do that?”
Wow, this really makes me sound like I am super flaky, judgemental and selective. I understand how it can look that way. Honestly, it’s true. You’ve gotta be selective in life. We cannot be at the top of our game if we aren’t selective about who we surround ourselves with. Who you spend your time with is your choice. Making the wrong choice about who to hang with can ultimately knock you off track from your goals and sometimes even get you into situations you should not be in.
LISTEN UP: If you have people in your life who you know are making bad life decisions, are being disingenuous, or are honestly just rotten humans, it’s okay to distance yourself! Don’t let others weigh you down. Life is too short for that and news flash, we aren’t gettin’ any younger!
This doesn’t mean, and has never meant, that I necessarily leave people behind completely and avoid them. It’s a slow process. I distance myself from them to the place where we are now; acquaintances instead of best friends. Or as I did when I was younger, ending it with boyfriends. Your inner circle should be people who get you, support you and nurture you to be the BEST version of yourself.
Reasons for me to start distancing myself:
1.) In order to achieve personal growth, you must continue to grow yourself– that sounds obvious, right? When a relationship starts to get less challenging or I start to outgrow the person (meaning I am moving forward and they are staying complacent), I feel the need to get out.
2.) If people are not aligned with what I believe to be good, I must remove myself from the situation. If I had a friend in high school or college that wanted to go out, I would go once or twice, but if underage drinking or drugs were involved, I would exit the situation. I’m more of a movie and popcorn kinda girl, anyway. Don’t put yourself in physically unsafe or unlawful situations you know you shouldn’t be in.
3.) Unavoidable circumstances just come up. In other words, life happens. Either party moves to a different state/country, different school, gets a different job. Sometimes it’s just unrealistic to continue some relationships and that’s okay too. It doesn’t all have to be the result of something negative that happened.
I am a firm believer in the adage “You are the company you keep”. The idea of distancing yourself from others may come off harsh to some, but for me, I know I would not be where I am today if I had not implemented this outlook into my life early on. Maybe this concept doesn’t work for you right now, but consider what your life might look like (for the better) without certain individuals in it. Someone’s name just popped in your mind as you read that, didn’t it?! There’s a reason that it did.
Stephon Gilmore, if you’re reading this, let’s be friends! 🙂
