Real Talk; You Can’t Do it All Yourself

Since I was around seven years old, I’ve had the mentality of a true control freak. Here’s why, if one thing was incorrectly loaded in the dishwasher, I was sure to hear it from the living room.  “If you want something right, you’ve gotta do it yourself,” in a sarcastic tone.

No wonder I don’t consider leadership as my greatest quality.  Since I was the one who loaded the dishwasher, that was pretty frustrating to hear. I would jump up from the couch and insist on being showed exactly how to do it.  I took the criticism very personally, but again, I was seven.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to learn that leadership is a fundamental trait of any well-rounded person. Everyone is a leader in some capacity. You may categorize leadership as only for owners of companies, people who speak on stage, or even the President of the United States. Ordinary people, like me and you, are also leaders. I like to look at it this way – someone is watching your every move. Someone, even if it’s one person, is learning something from you. That’s what makes you a leader. It could be your younger sister, you child, your neighbor, or a large staff. 

To preface, I don’t claim to know it all about leading. Of all the things I am confident about in my abilities, I don’t consider leadership as a strength of mine and am working daily to be better.  

While I do still believe that if you want something done right, do it yourself, I also realize there are exceptions to every rule and when it comes to leadership, this is one of them.

Becoming a great leader is about providing a positive example in everything you say and do, helping people be better and ultimately, helping them grow. All of which can’t be accomplished if you’re stuck in your own head. 

Key elements to prepare for letting go of control.

Real talk; you can’t do it all yourself

A strong support system is the only way. If my husband wasn’t as supportive, then I wouldn’t be able to manage my work responsibility. If I didn’t have the best family, then I wouldn’t be able to leave town and trust my daughter was in good hands. If I didn’t have honest friends, then I would still be eating seven servings of chocolate cake per day. 

Have genuine faith and trust in others

Lack of trust creates doubt. When you doubt everyone around you, you will ultimately lose confidence in YOURSELF to make everything happen. The worst thing you can do is build a great support system, THEN doubt your system’s ability to help.  Have faith in those around you, the teams you’ve built and trust that mistakes and all, it will eventually all work out. 

Lose the attitude.  It makes you seem like a real jerk

Attitude is everything and the need to control everything can potentially make you come across as conceited and overly confident, when in reality it means you lack confidence in yourself and everyone else.  Great leaders own their highs and their lows and stay humble along the way.

Once you’ve loosened up a bit, then you’ll actually have to pass things off to other people.  Below is what I have learned to be true so far about delegating. This is the most stressful part for us control freaks.  When it comes to delegating, I try to focus on these key areas:

Be Intentional 

Intentionality takes time, energy, and effort; all three of which sometimes seem too far out of reach these days. If you are intentional about spending the time to fully explain things to someone else, they will take the time to learn. Patience is a virtue, right? If you put all your energy and effort into teaching them the FULL scope of what you are trying to accomplish, they will fully take on what you’re teaching. This intentionality will eventually allow you to delegate and be free to move on to something else. This goes back to what it takes to be a great leader; help others grow. Intentionality is one step to get you there.

Be a Better Communicator

Clear communication is critical. Over communicate to make sure the message is received. I often catch myself saying, “Does that make sense?”, or “Not to sound like a broken record, but I want to make sure we’re on the same page.” 

I can count more times than fingers on my hands when someone has been listening to me talk and nodding their head in agreement, but when I ask, “Does that make sense?”, that nod stops and they say “Well, no it doesn’t.”  There was a miscommunication somewhere in there.

Some people are hesitant to disagree with something you are saying in fear of being embarrassed. Remember your grade school teacher saying, “There is no such thing as a stupid question.” It’s like that. They don’t want to raise their hand and be called out. 

Communication styles can be very different. People speak and receive information in a variety of ways. Over clarification will bridge the gap between the two. 

Show and Give Grace

When delegating, grace is required because even with clear intentions and communication, people will still get tripped up and stumble. It’s inevitable. Let them stumble. Pick them up. Remind them of the intention, communication the information again, and let them give it another go. Again, part of your goal is to help them grow and better themselves. 

Leadership and delegating is hard.  It frustrates me when I feel like I’m not being trusted to complete a task the correct way; whether it’s loading the dishwasher, managing a project for work, or anything in between. I try to remember the points above in leaning on and trusting those around me and having a positive attitude.

I have also held on to responsibilities for far too long that should have been delegated because I was skeptic it would get handled correctly.  What I realize now is that I really mean “my way”. I am learning how to be better about these instances where my want for control can get the best of me.  We all have areas we’re looking to improve ourselves in.